


Just a Mortal

by yuffiehighwind



Series: An Eternity in Cheese Country [3]
Category: Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-03-01
Updated: 2008-03-01
Packaged: 2018-03-22 10:33:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3725530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuffiehighwind/pseuds/yuffiehighwind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deimos whines about his latest defeat and Discord teases him about his latest conquest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just a Mortal

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place shortly after S6Ep2 of HTLJ, "Love Amazon Style."

Deimos started to notice the petite goddess gravitated to heights when she manifested on a statue above him, perched like a leopard. Running to her temple with his tail between his legs every time he got into trouble was risky, and led to consequences like losing extremities or just losing his mind. She was fond of messing with his mind for some reason, in the invasive way of a lobotomist, her invisible fingernails dividing folds of brain matter into separate, rival corners. Her grin mimicked a cat's as well, and the fear god was stricken with terror, until he remembered he was there to seek her counsel.

"Stop fucking around, Discord."

She rested her pale cheek on the statue's head. "When you stop pacing, shit for brains."

Deimos wrung his hands, ran nervous fingers through his spiky hair, and his blush even showed through all the fake tan.

"I was so close. So close!"

Discord knew what he was talking about, but let him explain anyway. It was more fun to watch him freak out.

"So close to what? Getting a life?"

"The Cronus Stone, Discord!" Deimos grabbed for her foot but she pulled it up onto the stone archer's arm out of reach. "I had it in my hands! In these two hands!"

"Yeah, sure. I'll believe that when I see it."

But she had been watching. He really had gotten a hold on one of the greatest lost treasures in the world, and that was something to admire.

"It's all Hercules' fault! He showed up and ruined everything!"

"Doesn't he always," Discord murmured, looking at her nails. She pulled a nail file out of the air and sharpened the tips.

 

* * *

 

"So did you and Vargus--?"

"No, no, no. It's not like that. He's a mortal, for crying out loud."

"Are the Amazons not mortals?"

"I didn't--I couldn't--They weren't..."

"They were under your complete control. You didn't try to...? Not even once?"

Deimos held up his hand. "One of them _bit_ me."

Now standing beside him, Discord smirked. "I heard you were into that sort of thing."

"Not the good kind of biting. Bad biting."

"Is there such a thing?" Discord crossed her arms. "Dish. I was watching, you know. From up here."

"See, Discord, I told you ya wanted me."

"Call it morbid curiosity. How else did you get that mortal man so into you, anyway?"

" _Hello?_ I'm a god."

"Okay, then how else did you get that mortal to believe your bullshit?"

Deimos put a hand on his hip, waving the other in her face.

"Mortals will fall for anything a god says. A little promise here, a little compliment there, and whammo, you got them!"

"Oh I bet you got him."

"It wasn't like that!"

"Why are you getting so upset? Just a mortal, remember? Not a big deal."

Discord walked away, but slowly enough to indicate she would linger a while longer.

She said, "I saw you together, you know. Pretty gross, I must say."

Deimos' face scrunched up with indignation.

"Your lanky, bony bodies all sweaty and red. Grinding desperately, moaning like animals. Yuck! I threw up in my mouth a little."

"Listen here, you. Don't judge my sex life, okay? I know what I'm doing."

"Oh, I don't doubt that. Can't be too difficult, just sticking it in."

"You're not so innocent yourself, miss mouth, fucking every human warrior who pays you tribute."

"Who said that wasn't how they paid tribute?"

Deimos cocked his head to the side, grinning evilly. "What are you now, a nymph? What happened to threatening to cut a man's balls off?"

"And who said I didn't after they failed to please me?"

Deimos sneered. "See why I go for mortal men? You women are fucking crazy."


End file.
